While I was driving down the M1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, lying in wait.The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronizing smirk, asked: 'Runway too short'?
To which I replied. 'I'm late for work'
To which he asked, 'What do you do?'
'I'm a rectum stretcher,' I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
'A what'
'A rectum stretcher'
'and just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' I said 'I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet'
Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. 'And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?'
To which I politely replied, 'You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge...'
Speeding ticket: £105,
Court Costs: £45,
Look on copper's face: Priceless
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